Acrimonious divorces are prevalent in countries where divorce is allowed.
And why wouldn’t it be when in the first place, most marriages fail because the couples are always arguing and can’t seem to agree on anything. The sad truth with this kind of marriage dissolution is that it only prolongs the agony of both parties. Having to undergo a series of court trials, claims, frivolous motions, accusations and relieving the nasty part of marriage only gives anxiety, sleepless nights, high blood pressure, tensions, and worries. In short, marital dissolution is a complicated case in itself and making it more complicated with an acrimonious divorce will only worsen the scenario.
Keep in mind that no matter how much animosity is present between you and your spouse, you have to know that both of you would only be losers at your marriage’s bitter end. This is due to the many costs that you have to pay if you will decide to bring your divorce to court, and we’re not talking only about money here. A divorce is costly but an acrimonious one is more expensive and it also has more emotional and psychological costs. You have to spend a huge amount of money for your lawyer and even more if it’s going to be tried by a court or a jury. Are you willing to toss a huge amount of money to estrangers or be sane and just split the money between the two of you and to your children? If only you’ve decided to make arrangements and avoid doing your divorce the hard way, things need not be long and complicated. Plus, there’s the emotional and psychological stress caused by your constant bickering and disagreements. The most important part is your children would also be affected by you and your couple’s acrimony which I am sure any parents would not want to happen.
About the author: Tammy Love understands the challenges of surviving infidelity and is now the chief editor of Surviving Infidelity.com . She is now helping those who have suffered Infidelity to survive and thrive and move forward by providing support and a community to help each other through the difficult times.
Contact Tammy to find out more about How to Survive Infidelity and get your free 6 Steps to Surviving Infidelity Report.
Mediation is a voluntary, interactive process where a neutral, third party, trained to facilitate communications and with negotiation skills, helps all the parties try and reach a mutually acceptable resolution to their dispute. In litigation, the judge issues orders on what is to be done during the course of the case. The mediator has no reciprocal powers. In mediation, the parties, with the help of the mediator, work together and decide how to resolve the dispute.
The mediation discussions by the participants are confidential, based on California law. Statements made and documents presented in the mediation may not be used in any later proceeding. With litigation, many aspects of the case become public record. Court litigants have to virtually surrender all elements of privacy regarding their dispute. If the mediating parties are unable to reach an agreement, the mediation process gives them the chance to narrow the issues in the case should they later select litigation.
Mediation reduces costs to parties as it can eliminate the high expenses and fees associated with litigation. Exchange of information is voluntary. Mediation can consume far less time and expedite settlement. This results in additional costs savings by reducing attorney time. There is also the derivative benefit to the mediating parties as they are able to resolve their disagreement and reduce the stress from uncertainty and costs associated with litigation.
What Happens During A Mediation?
The mediator introduces the process and then invites each side to explain the conflict from their own perspective. This allows the mediator to better understand the dispute in order to ask questions designed to clarify the respective issues that need to be resolved. The parties are advised that the mediation process is entirely voluntary, and that they may elect to end discussions at any time. Guidelines for appropriate conduct are detailed, often consisting of not interrupting another person speaking, and being respectful to each others case perspective.
What is the Mediators Role?
The mediator is selected by the parties to act as a neutral facilitator to assist and guide them towards a case resolution. The mediator will not decide who is right or wrong in the dispute. The mediator will not compel the parties or force them into a settlement agreement. A mediator’s technique and approach varies on a case by case basis. Commonly, the mediation will begin in a joint session with all parties present to discuss the issues face-to-face. The mediator’s role is to help maintain the parties focus on these issues during the entire course of the proceeding. The mediator will then hold private sessions with each side talking in greater detail about the respective positions of each party.
About the author: Paul Bielaczyc is a Mediator, an Arbitrator and an Attorney with an extensive background in civil litigation. He has over 20 years experience handling a wide assortment of cases in Santa Barbara County, Ventura County and San Luis Obispo County as well as throughout all of California. In 1989 he started his law career as a sole practitioner and was hired in 1991 as an associate handling all aspects of civil litigation. In 2003, he renewed his work as a sole practitioner taking on injury and property claims while also adding Arbitration and Mediation services. Toview the full bio/profile of Mr. Bielaczycgo to his website at http://www.tricomediate.com or go to the Santa Barbara Superior Court Mediation Program website at http://www.sbcadre.org/bielaczyc.htm.
You may notice that your emotions are different to other people who are separated. This appears, in part,to depend on who has ended the relationship- whether its you or your ex partner. The person who suggests the relationship is over may have had many months and often years to think about their decision,therefore they have traveled along the emotional road before their partner. They are also feeling different emotions, probably more guilt,relief and sadness , rather than the shock,rejection, anger, grief and confusion of the partner who is left.
“When i hear about relationships between people , or marriages, whatever the case may be, breaking up, for whatever reason, i feel for them-i really do, because i know the pain they are going to go through-everyone goes through it in one way,shape or form. Initially one will hurt more than the other,in the beginning, normally the “dumpee”, the person that gets left behind. The person that leaves, the”dumper”,thinks they’ve done the right thing, and they may have. But at some period of time, maybe at a later stage ,they go through a lot of pain too-in my case 18 months later and i just couldn’t appreciate how that could happen: that after 18 months of me making the “decision”,i was the dumper, thinking I’d “moved on” and living in what I thought was my own “single man’s paradise”,after 18 months i found myself falling apart. So I empathize with people-I think we all suffer through it (a relationship breakdown)
