Monthly Archives: September 2011

Divorce is an upsetting process. Strong emotions of anger can remain for years. Mind-set of being cast off can even be carried over to new relationships. For many divorcing couples, the most painful part of the proceedings is often the loss of self-esteem. Confronted with hardhearted thoughts of fear and anger, many people in the process of divorcing each other are often distraught by the ease in which they seem to forsake values that they had held in deep regard such as empathy, compassion, and respect. The need to hurt often takes the place of what used to be enduring and deep love. Revenge replaces considerate. Anger supplants civility. When such humanitarian values are given up, it results in the loss of self-esteem and self-respect that is often seen in divorce procedures.

However, many divorcing couples found that they can preserve their dignity, compassion, and self-respect through approaching divorce in a new way – via mediation. Traditionally, divorce has always been approached in an adversarial manner, often resulting in the break in communication between the parties, costly court procedures, accompanied by strong hostility. Many couples often find that despite their first good intentions, the adversarial nature of the procedures would complicate matters by rotating even small issues into complicated and impossible ones, requiring a substantial amount of money and time to resolve. Such experiences have left many divorcing or divorced people feeling as if they have betrayed their inner values. While occasionally there may be no other way out, not every couple wants or needs this sort of ending to their marriage.

How does divorce mediation provide an alternative?

Divorce mediation provides an alternative to divorcing couples because people specifically trained in mediation, known as divorce mediators, help them to come to a contract on issues related to their divorce, without them going the adversarial way. The divorce mediator gives the couple monetary and legal information helps them to know the emotional and mental aspects of divorcing, its impact on the children, as well as providing tips on conflict management. The mediator stays unbiased all through the process, without being condemnatory towards either spouse about the motivations or reasons for their decision to part ways. The methods of divorce mediation are designed to reduce hostility, enhance communication, and support the expression and maintenance of caring and respect between the divorcing couple as well as their family. This results in divorce no longer having to be identical with loss of self-respect and bitterness.